#Intergenerational trauma how to

Plus, I’m able to better receive my mom’s advice by understanding her learned survival skills of following the rules and not making any disturbances. Instead, I now practice self-compassion and am proud of living authentically.

#Intergenerational trauma how to

Through therapy, I’ve learned how to stop minimizing my struggles and stop feeling uncomfortable about making choices based on my own version of happiness. Yet using tragic experiences as life lessons can cause unintended consequences, like feelings of shame, explains Lee. Chang confirms that older generations tend to downplay the experience of younger generations by comparing their own traumatic experiences. The lesson? Life is hard, but it could always be worse. She worked alongside racist co-workers, was asked if she even spoke English, and wasn’t considered for opportunities. When I told my mom, she shared her own obstacles to becoming the corporate director she is today. However, when I accepted my “dream” job at a media company, I found myself working endless hours and crying due to feeling bullied. I felt relieved for being honest with myself. Years later, I changed my traditional career path in the medical field to pursue my passion for writing. The next day, I was carrying an entire cake onto the bus, avoiding eye contact with my friends, and feeling ashamed that I had caused trouble. As a response, my mom baked a dessert for my teacher and told me to write an apology letter.

In elementary school, I came home with a note because I was caught talking during a lesson. A 2018 study found that when Asian Americans internalize the model minority myth, it can lead to increased depression and anxiety.įor my mom, being a “model citizen” held true, and she taught me to follow suit. Dating back to World War II, the term “model minority” was first used to describe successful Japanese American families in the United States, supporting the assumption that Asian Americans are more successful than other minority groups. The model minority myth can also play a negative role in this narrative. In other words, people have taught Asian Americans to follow the rules and not cause disruptions in society. Many Asian Americans learn from older generations to live a peaceful life and that mental health difficulties directly result from bad habits. Chang, LMFT, CCTP, a board chair of the Asian Mental Health Collective (AMHC), notes that this may be because many cultures are rooted in Confucianism. Stigma is a common obstacle that Asian communities may deal with. However, getting mental health support may be especially difficult for Asian communities. “With a history of physical displacement and identity crisis from war and discrimination, many Asian Americans find themselves passing their unresolved trauma in ways that may not be obvious at first,” says Soo Jin Lee, LMFT, an executive director of the Yellow Chair Collective and co-author of “Where I Belong: Healing Trauma and Embracing Asian American Identity. Although experts first recognized it in 1966 among children of Holocaust survivors, research has broadened to include other groups, such as American Indian tribes and the families of Vietnam War veterans. Essentially, it’s trauma that carries on from previous generations who have experienced tragic events, such as war or famine. Intergenerational trauma has many definitions, but the concept is pretty linear. Throughout this journey, I’ve been able to identify the role that intergenerational trauma has played in my family, along with its impact on my life and who I am as a person. They spent days huddled among strangers and eventually made it to their final destination of Minnesota, where a large portion of my family still resides.Īlmost five decades later, I’m in extensive cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to manage my anxious thoughts, all-or-nothing thinking, and reoccurring guilt of living life the way I want instead of the way I was taught. In 1975, my teenage mom followed her lead when she fled Vietnam with her siblings, my great-grandma, and my grandma to escape political oppression and poverty. She taught herself how to read and write while selling food on the street for extra money. Growing up, my grandma was fiercely independent. In the 1950s, my widowed great-grandma managed to escape North Vietnam with her three children, including my grandma, on the last plane to South Vietnam. The truth is that I come from a line of resilient women who learned to survive despite their circumstances. Anything that hinted at the implication of struggle was a sign of failure. I was raised through moments that my mom turned into one important lesson: Never show weakness. Looking back on my life, this was a pattern in my home.